If I am not authentic then I am nothing.

There is no such thing as an inauthentic self. Perhaps if you were a forgery or a replicant. But then you are not yourself either, well you would be yourself but that self wouldn't be you... uuh , or rather, them. What I mean to say is there is no way to not be yourself. Like it or not, what you see is what you get, the irritations, the angers, the depressions and the fears. We try to distance ourselves from all that we don't like to see in ourselves, but if we do this by distancing ourselves from ourselves then we have progressed nowhere.  What are you talking about Ryan, you say, of course we are ourselves. So I keep talking 

We like to have reasons, excuses for our shortcomings, we excuse our physical natures because we have a genetic predisposition, we excuse our societal mishaps because of our socialization and the way we were raised, we may even try to excuse ourselves of inexcusable actions because of an uncontrollable addiction. So is this a legitimate claim, that because we didn't have a say or part in our biology and early socialization that this self has been inflicted upon us and is not our fault, not our true self? Are we seeing ourselves with a pre-birth existence and that we now act in a way untrue to this previous self, but this current dual nature would still be combined to make one oneself. Harking to the past for accurate measures on self is no answer. Or do we claim that being something different from what we imagine or hope causes this inauthentic state? But if this were the case would there ever be authenticity? Who doesn't see themselves different from reality? And what of competing views and desires. Harry Frankfurt while discussing free will and determinism came up with an idea that I rather like, it splits desires into first and second order desires. And we often have competing first order desires, such as a desire to eat healthy and a desire to eat ice-cream.   And we then have a second order desire based on the first such that we have a desire that our desire to eat healthy will be effective. We can also have a second order desire to have a first order desire, such as a desire to want to exercise regularly even though we don't have a first order desire to exercise regularly.  So our desires seem to fall short in a measure of true self. Frankfurt also states that moral responsibility does not require that an agent have the freedom to choose otherwise. Or rather that we are responsible for our actions regardless of their source and influences.

There is something to the idea of improper assumptions on the part of another. Where you are not what the other thinks you are. But this is inevitable, you can never guarantee that others see you as you wish to be seen or as you truly are. You are the one defining yourself to the world around you by the descriptors which you attach to yourself. and actions which others see. I fully respect another's desire of self definition but shouting inauthenticity is a weak mans effort to excuse themselves, to distance themselves from themselves.  We are who we are and we should not feel the need to excuse ourselves to others, but we will need to take responsibility for that which has been dealt to us.

We are sheep

Ok, so I cannot embed the video directly here (oh, the pains of living in Canada) but you can go watch it here.

Sometimes I feel like this is how church classes seem to go, all we need is to add a few personal experiences and we are set, "I once wanted to buy a car but realized I didn't have the money. So I didn't. It taught me *sniff* how powerful and true this principle is." We start with a fairly simple principle attempt to fill the class with a build up to it. Are we truly inspired by the obvious or are we just incapable of handling anything more difficult and advanced.

Thats all for today. Class dismissed.

I wake up dreaming

What do you do when you wake up at 2 and don't like life. and the only glimmer of hope you desperately cling too soon reveals itself as a fleeting image of a lost life. How do I wake up so lost in my own bed, in my own skin. How do I let myself return to sleep when I know there is nothing left, but the nightmare, within.

Reality

I lay here, listening to the burbling din, staring at the ceiling I don't see the actors, the people with their noise, I only know they exist for hearing them. Sometime about them is alluring, alluring yet repulsing, the noise causes me to become silent, I can't seem to let myself contribute to such a cooperative creation. One hundred concurrent conversations, Thousands of voiceless words, I don't hear the plans, the excitements, the humor, all I hear is the mutter, the rumble of young single adults, it is a distinctive sound. I could join them and make one voice alive. One conversation would become separate, would gain meaning by my presence. It would rise from the rumble and find a voice.

I hear the rumble because I am sitting apart, it is not my creation, but it exists because I allow it.

My ice cream is full of bugs :(

Everything is Great

A drink for you a drink for me

Just imagine powering your next cellphone the same way you power yourself, Sweets and Carbonated Beverages. Sony has developed batteries that charge themselves by breaking down sugar. And soon hopefully we can own one for they have made remote control cars that use these sugar batteries and the cars drive faster depending on how sugary the liquid used to power them is. I think that Car races should be used to test sugar levels in all of my beverages.  Love it, love it. Electronics with a sweet tooth. :)






Now how long before they design one of these to be surgically embedded into the stomach so that we can cut down on our sugar consumption without, you know, consuming less sugar. But in the techogeeks happy future the stomach battery could be used to power an induction charger so you can charge up your cellphone every time you place it into your pocket.

The Issue of Time

We often complain about different and assorted particular wastes of time. Computer Games, Cable TV, but then we spend hours watching YouTube videos or reading technology blogs.  (or wasting a day playing in Google Wave)

So what is a good use of time? Work is good, but we denigrate anyone who works all the time. This is not what we want. Our goal is most often to find some way to create residual income so that we can stop working. Or rather work when we want to, on what we want to.  As it stands work often keeps us from doing that which we enjoy.  Yet always doing that which we enjoy gets us labeled as Addicted, Couch Potato, and Hedonist.

Effective use of time seems to need to consist of some kind of balance.  This could say something about obsession. However, it is also said unless you become obsessed/passionate over something you will never have the wherewithal to keep going in face of all that rears up against you. Without Passion how can you ever become a world class bobsledder, achieve level 80 in World of Warcraft, or learn to play John Schmidt as it is meant to be played.

Be passionate but not obsessed, focused but not addicted, specialize but remain practical. This begins to get confusing, is it a good use of time to spend a week deciding what is a good use of my time?

I begin to believe that there is no correct way to use my time effectively, in fact everything is a waste of time to someone. Family is a waste of time says the career oriented person. Girls are a waste of time says the rejected man. Work is a waste of time says the guy living in his parent’s basement.  As is art, television, sports, movies, religion, school and blogs.

The use of time is one of our biggest and perpetual problems. Our time is our major non-renewable resource. Time is the real currency. It is not one we can stockpile, not one we can earn. It cannot be saved it is slowly and constantly metered out to us. We can exchange it for money, pleasure, sleep, learning, or a mansion in Heaven. We cannot exchange it, save it or buy more of it. Every hour of every day we must use it.

So time use is subjective, if you think spending all day playing video games is a good use of your time then have at it. Carry on. But at the end of the day, the week, when someone asks you ‘What have you been doing?’ you should be able to look back and say yes this is what I did, instead of shuffling our feet and promptly avoiding their question. We need to be happy with where we are.

And where we are going.

“A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad, cannot fail to produce its results on the character and circumstances. A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.” – James Allen,  As a Man Thinketh

As thoughts shape our future so does our actions, premeditated and accidental. What do we do with our time every day forms and changes what our options are in the days to come. You cannot choose your circumstances but you can shape them.

Now for something a little humorous, I ran across this idea a handful of months ago and threw it into a talk I wrote for church, but since it seems that the powers that be don’t want me talking in church I will give it a second life here. Plus I feel that it fits well in this idea of using time properly, especially for you religious type folk out there. Answer these questions for me please.

By the raising of the hand, how many of you believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God?

How many have read the whole Bible?

Ok, how many have read the Harry Potter Series?  Lord of the Rings? Twilight?

Here is a quick word count

Number of words in the Bible (KJV) is between 774,746 - 789,626
 Twilight - 575,710 words
Lord of the Rings - 525,405 words
And Harry Potter a staggering 1,090,739 words.  That is like reading the bible one and a half times, or reading the Old Testament once and The New Testament three times thru.